Match F: Death | The Pyramids

Started by Luca, September 01, 2021, 06:03:36 PM

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In the ultimate showdown between supernatural forces, which combatant is the stronger?

3 (37.5%)
The Pyramids
5 (62.5%)

Total Members Voted: 8

Voting closed: September 03, 2021, 06:03:36 PM



Write up an example of a battle in any form you choose. Be as elaborate or as simple as you wish. Be analytical and methodical or fanciful and storylike. Whichever you like best. Then vote in the poll to reflect how your match has turned out. The results of the poll will determine the outcome and a canonical shitpost will be developed which expresses that result. You are not required to write a battle post to vote, although it is recommended.

Votes will only be displayed after the poll closes.


Age:Not applicable

  • Likes cats
  • Humans confuse him
  • Magic (living) horse named Binky
  • Scythe sharpened with sunlight, ambient glow caused by splitting molecules
Would really prefer not to be the personification of death, but it's got to be done. He's more real than both time and material reality, so can teleport and time travel as necessary.

The Pyramids

Age:More than enough

We are pointy.
We are sturdy.
We are not stoned, We are the stone.
And no, not the rolling stone.
Here we  stand, because here we were built.
Before we fight, make sure you have your sarcophagus commissioned, your shroud of the dead, the mask and the book.
don't forget the book.
And maybe you'll get to return as a mummy, if we  so command.                                                                                                                                                         



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The Pyramids        

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A wise man once said that no one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away, until the clock wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone's life is only the core of their actual existence.

Thus, The Pyramids take a very long time to die indeed.

But then, all lives are the same length from the perspective of eternity. Every hourglass looks the same without sand, every clock is indistinguishable if sped up. A long life makes you no less dead at the end.

Death regretted the end of The Pyramids. Their humans had believed in them so strongly that they became real. One of the great fantasies humans needed, to keep being human. Until they moved on to newer stories. Jesus, Moses, capitalism. No respect for the classics.

Still. The Reaper must reap.

Death stood in the place that the pyramids had been, or would be. He nodded in respect, one symbol of human imagination to another.

The Pyramids died.

Death wins, if you must.
In ancient times, cats were worshipped as gods. They have not forgotten this. - Terry Pratchett


P: We were built to worship the dead you know?
d: What?
p: Yeah, death, we, we the pyramids were built to worship the fruit of your labor.
Death Hums to themself: "Wait what, I'm talking to a stone, or the stone is talking to me. that makes no sense." 2Lucifer! Anyone! What did you put into my drink?"
D: "I can't get no satisfaction!"
p: "What is this? and yes, you can't get no satisfaction."
D: "The rolling stones, a band. They too, will eventually die. Hahaha."
p: "So what are you if everybody has passed on?"
d: "Look. if life would go extinct then yes, death as a concept would cease to be acknowledged, eventually though even the tardigrades would die. The only moment when I would have an end is when universe would reach the heat death and even then, it would be me in the end, I am the final thing, the definite finite form of any verb that there exists."
p: I object. I am beyond life. I don't live, therefore I can't obviously die either. Thus you can't defeat me.
d: You must have manifested to what ever plain this is to battle me. Whether it is with words, a weapon of your choice or by conceptual power you must manifest here, there fore you can be defeated, you... you... You live, so you can die.
p: But you also have manifested here, so you too can die.
d: Hahaha. die death! death to death! Die one thousand deaths! Everything is about me.
p: Buddhists would say, the thing about death is, everyone will eventually die. But guess what, it doesn't eventually matter. So you don't matter.
d: And you were not built by buddhists, but it doesnt matter either. Everyone will eventually die, rolling stones, Juliette, even Romeo must die.
p: Imagine if humans stopped dying, then...
d: You would have never existed in the first place then. I'm getting tired.
p: Oh come on, I have time.
d: I have time a plenty. It's just, we're not getting anywhere with that argument. Why don't you just die, just give up.
p: Because I'm still standing here. I will eventually crumble that's true. Like the universe will reach the heat death and then be done with. so you too have an end.
d: I doubt, all the physical evidence shows so far that somehow there will generate a new universe which will almost certainly contain death.
p: But then you don't exist?
d: Oh. I do. In the scale of human existence, even in the scale of your existence, I am preety much the final thing. It's just that the grand scale of the matter is much more wider than even I can comprehend. From the quantum jump of sub-atomic particles to the deep reaches of the galaxies and galactic swarms, with the universe more a cycle than a one way trip. Death... (drifts off to thought) Death is just a breakingpoint. The end of something that then starts from that end again.
p: that is not as grim as I would have thought.
d: Heh. And here I was already thinking you're a rockhead. All is not yet lost.
Everybody will eventually die, let's live with this fact. In the meantime, let's get coffee.




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The Pyramids        

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     Death drew in the dank, cold air of the tomb. It seemed to...strengthen him. He stood in the doorway between light and dark. What was left of his sanity...implored him not to enter. But that voice...was just a whisper now. As he worked his way down, deeper and deeper into the crypt, he began to feel a change in himself. He seemed to be gaining strength. He could hardly see in the gloom but, somehow, he seemed to know the way...

For as long as life has existed, so has death. Endless millennia of quelling the living, of raising the undead. Nothing was beyond Death's mastery and control of the magicks of unlife. The pesky mortals with their petty structures could not understand the realities of the afterlife they could not know.

Death came at last to a great hall. This is where it would happen. He would blow up the pyramids from the inside. An incalculable and violent magically explosion. All it would take is a few moments of preparation, and who if not Death, had time for that. The room was quiet, save for the distant sounds of bats which were always around and easily frightened in cinematic moments. Suddenly, he let out a blood curdling scream.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaahuhuaaiaiaiooaiaaaaa ahaoaaaaooooaaooaooohhhhhhh.

It was then that he realised, he hadn't been gaining strength. He had been gaining life.

The lights flicked on.

Ten thousand fliers for how to extend your life with hippy pyramid magic began to fall from the ceiling.

More lights flick on in the background, revealing spinning pewter wire frames of pyramids, eerily rotating in the background. On the plastic folding tables tables lay Etsy nicknacks of illuminated gift shop pyramid replicas, which sparkle brightly underneath the track lighting set up by the National Museum of Cairo. A cat with a triangular name tag dashes from the guided tour signs to the cover of shadows, behind its place is a glass of kiwi, celery and, probiotic kombucha.

Death shrieks again, the countless years of his unlife reversing rapidly. His timeless visage now under the spell of Benjamin Button. In but a few more trendy tik tok loops, he would be gone.

The Pyramids Win