Poll

In the ultimate block-off, which large rectangle of substance will endure?

Wood Block
2 (33.3%)
Grit Whetstone
4 (66.7%)

Total Members Voted: 6

Voting closed: September 03, 2021, 06:02:04 pm

Match E: Wood Block | Grit Whetstone

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Luca

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« on: September 01, 2021, 06:02:04 pm »


___    ___ 

Information

Write up an example of a battle in any form you choose. Be as elaborate or as simple as you wish. Be analytical and methodical or fanciful and storylike. Whichever you like best. Then vote in the poll to reflect how your match has turned out. The results of the poll will determine the outcome and a canonical shitpost will be developed which expresses that result. You are not required to write a battle post to vote, although it is recommended.

Votes will only be displayed after the poll closes.











Wood Block


Age:4,561 years
Strength:5
Agility:0
Wits:0
Spirit:0
Magic:6
Affinity:0
Command:7
Luck:7



• Made from Mahogany
• Loud and commanding
• Inspirational

This wood block was created 4,561 years ago in Mesopotamia as per the inscriptions on the backside. Its history has been recorded in paintings, carvings, texts and photographs.

The wood block was at many historical events such as the Battle of Thermopylae and the Apollo 11 moon landing. All media featuring the wood block do not depict a player, only the block and mallet acting on their own.

Truly an instrument any bard would be envious of.


Grit Whetstone


Age:At least 75,000
Strength:5
Agility:1
Wits:1
Spirit:1
Magic:5
Affinity:5
Command:1
Luck:6



Wetter is Better!

0.01 micron, roughly. Gets very wet. So smooth. Makes pointy things pointier. Doubles as a brick, I guess. Probably because it's a stone. From Japan. I don't know where. Maybe Sapporo.                                   











        Results


          Wood Block       

█ █
█ █
   2

Grit Whetstone        

█ █ █ █
█ █ █ █
4   



       


« Last Edit: September 03, 2021, 07:04:32 pm by Luca »

Nangka

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« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2021, 06:59:29 am »
Got a question for you! What's heavier? A kilogram block of wood or a kilogram grit whetstone?

That's right, it's a kilogram grit whetstone. Because grit whetstone is heavier than wood.


Luca

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« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2021, 06:21:51 pm »


        Results


          Wood Block       

█ █
█ █
   2

Grit Whetstone        

█ █ █ █
█ █ █ █
4   



       



     
IT'S TIME TO BLOCK. AND. LOAD.

Behold, the ultimate showdown between two objects that could readily act as replacement construction material! In this corner, nothing but corners. In the other corner, the same thing but with reflective sheen. The loser will be the ultimate square.

Mahogany comes out swinging -- about to knock the grit right off of whetstone. The preparedness, the determination, the force of will in the form of pure kinetic energy! Wood block cannot be denied, as it hurls its entire body against its opponent!

INCOMMING.

A suckerpunch! A sock right to the...uh, block! Mahogany is undone by an unexpected nimble doge and counter attack by Grit Whetstone, a combatant who must have spent a considerable time honing its skills. Now, the fight is underway. Onward to press the advantage. Again! But it's not to be. Wood Block blocks like a wood block could block wood. It's useless, Mahogany was caught off guard once, and it won't happen again. Grit Whetstone would have to try harder than that!

Secret weapon time: Wood block calls upon their own personal army of three hundred and fifty retired cabinet-making instructors from UCLA. The blades have been a thorn in Wood Blocks' sides for generations. That kind of expertise and cutlery would certainly come in handy right about now. The Whetstone grits its grit. And look, just as intended, the geriatric craftsmen's jaws drop to the floor at the sight of a sharpening stone. Wal-Mart hasn't stocked these in the last twenty years, it's all been those weird prong things! MY GOD THE GOOD OLD DAYS HAVE RETURNED. They rush to the Grit Whetstone, holding it down until their personal toolbox is back to the shape that Roy Underhill demands.

Grit Whetstone isn't out of the game yet. 75,000 years learning the art of magic wasn't wasted on nothing. If there was one positive thing that came out of a life age of living in Japan, it was Naruto. Secret weapon time, round 2: Grit Whestone crackes its cracks and, through the most arcane spinning block gestures, replicates itself ten thousand times. Thanks, mass production! Aha! A great stone wall! For ages they have stood protecting societies as impermeable barriers, but never before have they been sentient. With such self-awareness, there would be no stopping the tides of darkness yet to come.

The Great Wall of Whetstone simply falls over. It's mass devastating the small organic rectangle's body. And dreams.

Grit Whetstone Wins
     

« Last Edit: September 03, 2021, 07:04:52 pm by Luca »

 

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